From time to time I get in an unhealthy headspace. Like everyone, right? It happens. This particular headspace I am talking about tends to occur after a group conversation, first meeting or for a long time it would happen after every single social situation. I would leave these situations feeling awkward, frustrated and upset. Mainly I was upset with myself for not letting my truth speak or confidently expressing who I was. For years I have feared confrontation and through this I have learned to bottle my opinions to avoid it. As I have gotten older i have found myself fighting to be heard and trying to find a way to effectively communicate my views and ideas. I think this can also be referred to as youngest child syndrome haha! It is all well and good that I began speaking up for myself, but the way I was measuring my progress and the value of my opinion was far more damaging to my self esteem than when I was keeping them to myself. I would find validity in myself and my thoughts through the feedback of those I was sharing them with. I would get frustrated that I couldn't adequately get my point across. When someone didn't understand where I was coming from it would take a hard hit on my self worth. If people didn't like what I had to say then I felt I was not worthy and what I had to say was not valid. My thinking would spiral into a black hole because (as you could have guessed) I am a chronic worrier. At heart I am a timid, under-sharer who is scared of rejection. But no longer will I put my validity in other people's hands. I want my power and ability to speak my mind back from the timid girl who stole it and buried it. Other people's achievements do not determine my validity, I do. Hierarchy does not determine my validity, I do. Status does not determine my validity, I do. My opinion is valid because I said so and so is yours.
Every city has its quirks. The little things that make it unique, terrible, weird or amazing. After walking the streets for a long period of time and emerging into the city life it won't take long until you pick up what they are. I was able to pick up on Edinburgh's quirks especially quick as I was dodging one of them constantly from day one.
A writer, explorer, and music enthusiast. This site is where I share my thoughts, aspirations, adventures, and mishaps.